


Through A Looking Glass

by CallYourGirlfriend



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends, Friendship, Gen, Mind Meld, Narada Incident, Post-Narada, Slice of Life, Vulcan Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11353608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallYourGirlfriend/pseuds/CallYourGirlfriend
Summary: The smile lines around Kirk’s right eye crinkle despite the purply-black bruise marring his pale skin. Spock can remember the exact punch he’d thrown that had resulted in that particular injury. What he can’t remember is why he did not stop himself from throwing it. It seems there’s something about Acting Captain Kirk that just brings out the worst in Spock.--An intriguing conversation with a compelling person tests the limits of Spock's logic and dares him to consider that he and one Jim Kirk could ever be anything other than sworn enemies.--





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some souls just understand each other upon meeting. Neither Spock nor Jim Kirk are one of those souls.

There are many things about humans that Spock finds odd. Like their ability to become overly emotional over small mammals with big eyes, such as their own offspring or Terran puppies. Or humanoid phrases like “hot dog” or “what’s up” that when spoken completely diverge from their literal meaning. Or, and Spock considers this particular human trait utterly illogical, their ability to request to meet somewhere and then not arrive at the scheduled hour. 

It’s this trait - this uniquely human lateness - that has left Spock sitting alone in a cafe just off Starfleet’s campus for 12.4 minutes. He’d received a comm from Acting Captain Kirk 8.2 minutes ago declaring that he was “running late.” Spock has worked closely with Nyota to realize running late doesn’t imply that one’s lateness is moving, merely that one will not be present when expected. Spock finds the phrase illogical. But, what’s perhaps more troubling than human vocabulary, is that lateness seems to prick at one of the emotions he finds difficult to fully suppress: irritation.

So when he sees Acting Captain Kirk enter the cafe, he schools his features into neutrality. It will not due to display his frustration, to let the former Cadet Kirk provoke him into relinquishing his control. Not twice in one week at least. 

Kirk reaches the table slightly out of breath. “I’m sorry I’m late.” 

Spock inclines his head at the irritatingly human act of apologizing when one does not truly mean it. “I presume you have a reason?” Spock offers. 

“A pretty damn good one,” Kirk smiles. 

The smile lines around Kirk’s right eye crinkle despite the purply-black discoloration marring his pale skin. Spock can remember the exact punch he’d thrown that had resulted in that particular injury. What he can’t remember is why he did not stop himself from throwing it. It seems there’s something about Acting Captain Kirk that just brings out the worst in Spock.

“And that reason would be?” Spock grits, earning himself a bemused look. “Forgive me, but I have other matters that require my attention as well today.”

Kirk glances out the cafe window and waves at someone. “You may find them less interesting after you see who’s come to have lunch,” he says.

Spock squints, but cannot see who in the glare. “Someone is meeting us?” he asks, perturbed. He did not mentally prepare to endure two human companions during his mealtime.

Kirk shakes his head, “Not us. You.”

Kirk moves to greet a much older man in civvies with a bowler hat pulled over his ears. The disguise is convincing, but Spock knows a Vulcan when he sees one. He quickly runs through his mental catalogue of all the Vulcan survivors and cannot place this man. He is not an Elder, though he is old enough. He is not a healer though Spock can feel his telepathy, calm and gentle, like one. He is not an ambassador either, as his ease among humans would suggest.

“I do not know you,” Spock blurts. He knows all Vulcans on Earth right now. “We have not met.”

Kirk snorts an ugly laugh, his eyes bright with what seems to be barely contained glee. “Jesus. You really don’t know yourself when you’re staring you in the face.”

Spock raises an eyebrow at Kirk’s mirth, slightly disturbed by the way their older Vulcan visitor mirrors Spock’s expression exactly. “That is not logical.” Spock startles when both he and the new Vulcan speak the same phrase. 

Spock inclines his head again. “What is the meaning of this?” 

Kirk gestures between both Vulcans, grinning so wide it looks painful. “Mr. Spock, I’d like for you to meet Mr. Spock.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk gestures between both Vulcans, grinning so wide it looks painful. “Mr. Spock, I’d like for you to meet Mr. Spock.”

The older Vulcan removes his hat, revealing the telltale ears. But what’s more important is the birthmark - a tiny freckle near his left ear - that Spock now reaches up to touch on his own person. He immediately pushes against this man’s mind for any hint of deception. Vulcans do not lie, but Spock knows any Vulcan who says he’s never lied has just become a liar.

_“There’s no need for mental rape, Mr. Spock.”_

Spock startles when the older man speaks to him via the link he’s forced on their minds.

_“Though you are much better at this practice than I was at your age.”_

“At your age?” Spock doesn’t realize he’s spoken aloud until he hears his own voice. “At my age? If we are the same then I am you, and at my age, you were me.”

Kirk rubs at his temple. “A conversation like this will do nothing for my headache,” he says. “So I’ll leave the pair of you to it.”

Spock feels the odd need for Kirk to stay, or at least take the illogic he’s dragged in with him when he leaves. “Captain, this is not….” Spock is shocked at his inability to express himself. “This is illogical. I do not even know what to call myself.”

Kirk frowns for a minute before his expression clears in delight. “Mr. Spock, meet Spock Prime!”

Spock Prime reaches out a hand and Spock frowns at the distinctly human gesture. Vulcans do not shake hands. As touch telepaths it is uncomfortable, if not painful, to introduce oneself with a full emotional exchange.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Kirk declares, snatching Spock’s hand and placing it in Spock Prime’s. “One or the both of you owe me for this.”

But neither Spock hears him, both melding through their sudden link. Spock feels as if he is leaking, Spock Prime absorbing the thoughts and feelings he’s tucked away behind a maze of mental walls. They come apart brick by brick, pieces of Spock’s yesterdays revealed in the ruin.

_Itchy dress reds, all eyes on him. “It’s supposed to teach you fear.” His voice, Kirk’s angry blue eyes. “I’m assigned to the USS Enterprise.” Uhura’s hair. So soft during his office hours. “Mr. Spock you’re the captain.” A logical conclusion. Finally! Kirk’s face, always bruised. He doesn’t need a first officer. “Computer set shuttle to 10 degrees north of current warp.” He hopes Kirk likes snow. Swirls of red. His mother’s heartbeat. Her hand reaching out to him. Loss, fear…._

Spock’s memories are sand in an hourglass, flowing until there is nothing left.

_“Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered and you’re not even upset.” His stomach is sick. He draws blood the same color as his loss. Kirk’s throat, sinewy yet fragile. His trachea is thin, crushed as easily as a straw…._

Spock Prime breaks the link abruptly, sending Spock reeling with a wave of shame and disgust so powerful it makes him gasp for air. He takes a long moment, feels the pulse of the cafe around him. Of the other cadets who weren’t on the Enterprise. Who have no idea who he’s become or what he’s done.

“This will make you feel better.”

Spock Prime pushes a cup of strong tea into Spock’s hand before nudging a plate of Vulcan’s sweetest fruit towards him. Spock frowns at the silly human proclivity for using sustenance to control distress. “I am Vulcan. I do not feel,” he declares.

“Are you saying I am not Vulcan?” Spock Prime asks curiously.

Spock bristles at the clear emotion on Spock Prime’s face -- on his face. “You are half human.”

“And yet I am entirely you,” Spock Prime returns. “Should we continue arguing transitive relation, or is that as beneath your intellect as it is mine?"

Spock Prime looks amused, and Spock is certain he is done being the source of other’s amusement for the day. He pushes the tea and fruit back towards himself and watches Spock Prime shrug and take a bite of the fruit. The crunch reminds him of the apple Kirk ate during the Kobayashi Maru, the way he trailed apple juice all over the controls. As if cheating did not sully the test enough --

“You are aware I can feel you hating him,” Spock Prime says, picking up another piece of the fruit. He munches contentedly before speaking again. “For someone who does not feel, to revile someone so thoroughly is illogical. I find it - ”

“Fascinating,” Spock supplies dryly.

“Disheartening,” Spock Prime corrects. He inclines his head. “And perhaps perplexing. In my timeline Jim is, and always will be, my friend.”

Spock can’t say he’s not intrigued -- not by the friend element -- but about Spock Prime’s timeline. On Vulcan he’d studied astrophysics, particularly the manipulation of time and space, and excelled at the mathematics theory. Time travel is something he finds probable, but unnecessary. Some called his perspective unimaginative, but then they are not sitting in a cafe in San Francisco literally talking to themselves.

“Will you tell him? Spock asks after a beat.

Spock Prime raises both eyebrows, a very gauche human reaction to interest that Spock actively suppresses in his own person. “Tell what to whom?”

“Tell your Captain Kirk that it’s your fault his alternate is a reckless orphaned vigilante with no regard for civil obedience?” Spock says. If Spock Prime wants to display his human weakness, then Spock will fight love with logic. And it is clear Spock Prime cares deeply for his Jim Kirk. “It is my understanding that had you not erred in your delivery of the Red Matter and caused the destruction of Romulus, Nero never would have sought vengeance upon Starfleet, thus causing the death of George Kirk, the destruction of the Kelvin and the path that has produced this Jim Kirk.”

Spock can see in his own eyes the turbulence that even meditation cannot remove. It seems where Spock has issues suppressing his irritation, his other self has issues suppressing guilt.

“I do not think it would be wise to burden him with such knowledge of himself,” Spock Prime finally says. “There is cause to invoke the Prime Directive here--”

“You would hide your hubris behind regulation?” Spock accuses. “Logic demands that you reveal your true motives as selfish. You have your Jim Kirk, hero of the Farragut and revolutionary botanist on Tarsus IV who single-handedly stopped the famine. You have your Jim Kirk whose shore leave includes visits with Carol Marcus and their son. You have your Jim Kirk, an admiral who still finds time to play chess with you three times a week -- ”

“I do not see -- ”

“How I know any of this?” Spock interrupts. He sits back in his chair, faintly exhausted. “By offering you the things that I wish no one access in my mind, I can pillage your thoughts without you knowing. You were right. I am better at melding than you were at my age.”

To prove a point, Spock shoves himself against Spock Prime’s mind only to find it carefully occluded, mental walls as high as mountains. Spock hates how easily Spock Prime can switch from the lazy, emotionally raw human mind to the more disciplined and fortified Vulcan norm.

“You shall not find what you are looking for,” Spock Prime says with characteristic Vulcan monotone. Gone are the human eyes, the relaxed Terran speech. “My version of the Captain is mine to remember. It is logical that I should not wish to harm him, or our relationship, with unnecessary knowledge of things he cannot change.”

“You desire to protect him?” Spock queries coldly. “You will not tell him that in an alternate universe of your creation, you hate him. You will not tell him that he provoked you into nearly choking him to death. That he is a cheater, a liar and a devious manipulator who forced you to sit across from a version of yourself that you absolutely abhor.”

Spock stands up then. After a monologue like that, it is only fitting that he walk out on himself. His human side demands the drama. Yet logically he knows that refusing to confront a problem is inefficient. So he stands there, glowering at Spock Prime and feeling oddly like he does on those mornings when he wants to punch the mirror.

“I do not hate you,” Spock Prime says softly. “Nor do you hate your Jim. If you sit down, Mr. Spock, perhaps I can explain.”

Spock hesitates, but sits, frustrated he is not a better Vulcan. Or even a better human. All he wants is some equilibrium between feeling nothing and feeling everything. Particularly when it comes to Jim Kirk.

“I will not tell my Jim what I have done,” Spock Prime says. “Because I have already told your Kirk.”

Spock looks up in interest, and Spock Prime takes the moment to offer him the cup of tea again. Spock takes it if only to have something to stop his hands from trembling. “He could not have understood you,” Spock declares.

Spock Prime nods. “My words, no. But my mind, yes.”

Spock’s stomach is sick all of a sudden and he identifies disgust in the flipping. “You forced a meld on him?” he asks. “You are not unaware of the psychological consequences of melds between Vulcans and humanoids, particularly when the Vulcan is emotionally compromised.”

Spock Prime gives Spock a look that he’s seen many a time on Kirk’s face. This ‘I’ve done what you’re accusing me of, and I stand by the wreckage I’ve caused.’ “With the time allotted me to explain how to convince you of what you would not let yourself feel to save Earth, a meld was necessary. He has not suffered any undue consequences, quite the opposite really.”

Spock thinks of Kirk’s headache, but does not comment. “The opposite?” he raises.

Spock Prime nods. “I have shown your Jim what my Jim knows, which is that our friendship is something that I -- that you -- not only desire, but will require should the Enterprise becomes all she can be. He has taken to the idea rather well.”

Spock would snort derisively if he did that thing. “That is most illogical. The Jim Kirk of my timeline does not desire to know me. We are, and shall remain, but first officer and captain.”

Spock Prime does not frown, but his eyes seem to turn down. “You underestimate our friend.”

_Friend_ , Spock thinks. The idea is statistically possible, but Kirk has proven himself to be the outlier in any data set already. “You suggest that your ripple in time can create a new ripple, one that alters our current destiny so that Jim Kirk and I are friendly?”

“Negative,” Spock Prime says. “What I have done is merely iron out a wrinkle in the ripple I created 25 of your years ago. Whether you and Jim act on the newly smoothed pathway I’ve forged is up to you.”

“Is this where I express gratitude?” Spock demands. “Simply because you have broken Vulcan code to show a man in whom I hold no interest that he should not believe me to be the Satanic half-breed both my Vulcan and Terran peers believe me to be?”

Spock Prime seems weary then, his eyes closing at what he must see as Spock’s inability to understand. “I cannot change your unique past,” Spock Prime says softly. “But I can offer you a better future. One that only you can control.”

Spock Prime stands then and raises his right hand in the Vulcan salute. “Live Long and Prosper.”

The familiar phrase sounds like a challenge, and Spock finds himself shrinking away from it -- unable to say it back. He doesn’t want to pioneer a reality where he and Jim Kirk are not enemies. He has no desire to fight against logic.

And yet he does not refuse when Kirk finds him in the science lab a day later, asking for 15 minutes of his time to better learn the Vulcan salute. Spock ends up tapping his fingers together for it to be satisfactory. When Kirk accuses him of cheating, he most certainly does not say, “I have learned from the best,” and Kirk definitely does not throw his head back and laugh.

Two weeks later Spock comms Kirk for a restaurant recommendation for Nyota’s birthday, knowing logically that the captain has taken many a woman on a date and so of course he is the person Spock would call. Kirk finds not only the perfect restaurant, but calls in a favor to get the best table. Spock attempts to find some way to express gratitude. But Kirk shrugs and says that it’s what you do for friends. Spock assumes he means Nyota.

But even Spock cannot ignore the correlation between similar events when Kirk finds him in his quarters one Friday night, offering what humans on Old Earth called pizza in exchange for Spock’s thoughts on the blueprints for New Vulcan. They talk late into the night and Kirk falls asleep beside him on the floor. The experience is similar to what Terran children refer to as a “sleep over.” He is not so Vulcan to misunderstand that those things only happen among friends.

It’s not until the day they reboard the Enterprise for their five-year mission, when Spock is suitably resigned to being surrounded by the eccentric humans Kirk has chosen for his ship, that he realizes of all the human oddities that bother him -- their cooing and their laughter and their made up speech -- it’s the oddities he finds in himself -- their loyalty and their forgiveness and their happiness -- that confuse him the most. But Vulcan law says that with logic comes illogic, so it does not surprise him when he finds himself typing a message on his PADD for his new captain. Within seconds he has a response.

_I’d be delighted to join you for chess. Winner does paperwork for the next week._

Spock sends out a time, requests Kirk be punctual, and then gazes out into the black. The stars whirl past, and Spock wonders if Spock Prime is aware of what he’s done, and most of all, if he’d like to take credit. Spock thinks he can accept his gratitude on behalf of himself. It is only logical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" -- Spock to Kirk in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan


End file.
